I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
