Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
