At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
