Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How external is "for external use only"?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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