Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
