matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
