How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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