Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
