I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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