I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
