can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
