Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
MIDGETS
????
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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