there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
