don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
