I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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