All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize