I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Found your dick twin last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
