If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
