if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
