is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
