we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
