i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
