we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
