A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
