we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize