yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
