After last night, I could never be a politician.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
