if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
