She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
