we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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