you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
