i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
