yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
