take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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