So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
