What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
