clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
