You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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