I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
