If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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