You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
