Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
