ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
