booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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