yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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