i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
