I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
