Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
