I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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