My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
