In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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