god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize