Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
tell me about the eggs
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