and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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