Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
