I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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