So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
