Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
