apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
