After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
