why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
