I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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