we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
