5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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