better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
