come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
