I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize