Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
