is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
