i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
