All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
