she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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