Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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