I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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