Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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