Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
