Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
