He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize