Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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