i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
