I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
