I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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