So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
