Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So. Much. Porn.
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