Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
