Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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