my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God, I missed his penis.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize