i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
