I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
