I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
