How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
