stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
