my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
