So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize