You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
