i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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