That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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