So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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