I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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